A FALLEN MEMBER

and a subscriber treat

This and more in this week’s edition of HarperTheFox news.

BUTT FIRST!

HE LEFT A SHIMMERING TRAIL ON ALL OUR HEARTS

This week, a valiant member of our party has fallen. Our snail, Clatter, has died.

…This was unequivocally my own stupid fault. A classic case of the road to hell being paved with good intentions.

As we’re getting ready to move our entire family onto the road—that’s two adults, three children, two dogs, and (until a few days ago) a snail—we have been leaving all the windows and doors that we can in our house open. We are not turning on the air conditioning, to get accustomed to living in the heat. And to get used to living amongst some amount of bugs.

Some of those bugs are ants, and those ants have been presenting themselves as pesky little pests in irritating sections of our house. I noticed some of them going into our snail’s terrarium, so, being the conscientious snail keeper that I am, I moved his habitat out to our front porch so that I could clean it out, remove the ants, and keep him safe from little ant bites.

Shortly thereafter, my two-year-old girl decided to pitch a pretty random and pretty huge fit. She threw a massive temper tantrum that had to be handled over the course of a couple of hours. During that time, the sun’s position changed so that my previously shaded and nice front porch turned into a blazing hot chamber of death.

Our front porch is painted black, and poor Clatter’s terrarium was in direct sunlight for those couple of hours. It was absolutely cooking in there.

When I found him, he was fully extended from his shell, but completely limp.

Over the next couple of days, his prospects seemed good. He was minimally eating and beginning to crawl around his terrarium, so I believed he would be okay.

Ultimately, the heat damage proved too much for him, and when I lifted him up to find a slimy green mass beginning to grow white mold, I found that he had very clearly died.

So we gathered the family together and held a small snail funeral. We buried him in a tiny box that I labeled with his name and a small drawing of a snail. We shared our favorite memories of Clatter from the last two years he was with us, and when Max (husband) invited the children to sing a song for him if they liked, my son chose “Pumped Up Kicks,” and my daughter chose “Everybody Jam” by Scatman John, giving him a full Louisiana funeral.

Rest in peace, Clatter the snail. You were a good one.

AND NOW!

SONGS ROUNDUP

Social media sites are notorious for only selectively showing you posts by the people you follow, so for you dear subscriber, I like to gather up all the week’s posts for you in one easy place. Here you go!

“Pumped Up Kicks” parody

“Friday, I’m in Love” parody

“Scarborough Fair” parody

“Mrs. Robinson” parody

“Danny’s Song” parody

“Radioactive” parody

Anyway, that’s all for now. I will write again next week with songs, stories, and updates.

But it’s not over for paid subscribers!

Below the fold, you guys are going to get something surreal, viral and absurd that will DEFINITELY get stuck in your head in the best possible way.

See you down below!

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