COUNTRY C*NTS

and stripper stunts

This and more in this edition of HarperTheFox News!

BUTT FIRST!

SAVE THE LAST DANCER

Earlier this week I shared this song about a typical cast of characters that might work at a strip club.

I have never worked as a stripper. But one of my best friends danced for years and I went to the local club many, many times and met tons of the girls. And trust me, at the time I wasn’t better than that job— it just wasn’t my particular thing.

I also lived for many years with a real-life “Captain Save-a-Ho.”

A Captain Save-a-Ho is a man of legend who believes with all his heart that his insight and goodwill can save the ho of his fixation from a life of downtrodden degeneracy.

The guy I lived with loved nothing more than helping strippers in need. He would offer them his place to crash, give legal assistance, feed them, help watch their kids, and desperately hope that he’d get to see some in-person titties every now and then. To his credit, sometimes he did. But my GOD did it take a lot of work for him to get thrown any scraps at all.

That house is where all my saddest stripper stories come from. The pregnant stripper who got back into meth a couple days before Thanksgiving, the custody battles of a woman with 6 kids by 5 fathers, the alcohol withdrawal tremors of a preschool teacher turned dancer who was still drinking a fifth a day… it’s a dark, dark world.

So, ya know. You just gotta laugh.

NEW MUSIC MONDAY

This week below the fold, subscribers get to see a new work-in-progress song that I’m SUPER excited about. It’s a “Thank God I’m a Country Boy” parody, but it’s about a girl who’s a real cunt.

Get it? Country / cunty?

Upgrade your subscription so you can see it, and ALL the other subscriber-exclusive treats I’ve shared with every post!

I’ll be very happy to have you.

JOHNNY CASH’S ANGEL IS SMILING

I have been lucky to go pretty viral on different social media platforms many different times, and one of the perks of that is the random individuals that come out of the woodwork to say hello. And one of my favorite varieties of rando are the ones who credibly claim to have known the artists I’m parodying.

So it really tickles me that someone who claims to have worked with Johnny Cash back in the day told me that he thinks the Man in Black would have LOVED my parodies. I really hope so. I think most big, touring musicians must be some variety of fucked-in-the-head degenerate… so we would at least have that in common.

Here is my “Folsom Prison Blues” parody:

Anyway! That’s all for now. You’ll next hear from me on Friday with more behind-the-scenes shenanigans and treats for paid subscribers. And for those of you who support this writing with a few dollars, just keep scrolling down for “LORD KNOWS I’M A CUNTY GIRL.”

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