Depressing Dutchman tries to ruin it for everyone,

how Australians are fighting back!

Does watching HarperTheFox parody song videos turn you gay?!

Keep reading to find out.

Butt First!

Welcome to another week of exciting Harper The Fox News!

This week we find out: which nationalities love or hate my movie, COPS VS WHORES? Australians love it and the Dutch hate it!

A group of Australians paid good money to see the best raunchy independent comedy of all time and they had an amazing night getting rip-stoned and watching it on the big screen. Meanwhile I gave a free copy to a Dutchman and he absolutely hated the funniest American movie of the 21st century.

Why?? Keep reading to find out!

Butt first!

Does my music turn you gay?

My most popular parody song release in the last week has been “No no no, can’t go in my backdoor,” a Creedence Clearwater Revival parody. The caption reads “send this to a friend who likes CCR or who you’d like to do in the butt,” and it is my most viewed and shared video of the week.

I have my TOP SCIENTISTS working on solving the meaning of this, but it is still unclear:

Is CCR is the driver???

Do my watchers just want the sweet puckering chocolate starfishes of their bestest bros???

Subscribe to future emails to keep up to date with these important scientific inquiries.

Science isn’t free, you know— unlike this delightful newsletter. If you want to be one of the good ones, you can sign up as a paid subscriber. Your paid subscription gets you a small bonus treat with every email and does untold good in advancing the important field of chocolate starfish science. Thank you for your service.

Speaking of buttholes.

On a thrilling hike through the backwoods of Idaho, my three year old son did not shit his pants despite repeated credible threats to do so. My hostage negotiators were able to bribe the young man with promises of pizza to ward off this potentially disastrous biological attack.

I am told, were my son Dutch, he would have shit in his own hand and tried to feed it to an innocent animal.

Ah yes. The Dutch.

I recently appeared on an episode of the Jeffrey van Leeuwen Podcast with a Dutchman who clearly hated debaucherous joy in cult-classic movie form.

Q: why did the Dutchman hate his free copy of COPS VS WHORES, Vol 1?

A: It was too expensive!

Are you a cheap and hyper-serious Dutchman? NO? Prove it and get your copy of COPS VS WHORES Vol 1 right now! Aussies know funny and Aussies love COPS VS WHORES Vol 1!

It’s time to wrap up this week’s update with a brand new unreleased parody of “Brown Eyed Girl” just for the paid subscribers who make this newsletter, my parody songs, my movies and all things good in the world possible.

If you would like to join the elite you can do it in a few strokes and tickles and for only $10 a month. That’s 33 cents per day! It means the world to me and makes all of this possible. Just follow the link and get signed up.

Butt first!

One last free treat before I go.

HERE is a playlist of the previous week’s releases to get you all caught up.

Maybe you could tell me what the secret sauce is. Based on the standout popularity of the CCR one, maybe I should sing more about male buttholes, perky balls and glistening cock. How gay is gay enough for you people to love me?

Goodbye for now free subscribers.

Hey, beautiful paid subscribers! It’s time for that sweet sweet bonus treat for you, the sexy, intelligent, well-hung elite who pay the bills.

Let’s start with a joke to keep it light.

What do you get when you try to make a whore squirt?