Diarrhea Another Day--

A Plea for Peace

BREAKING NEWS:

Harper The Fox proposes cultural brand deal to bring peace between Mexico and America as tensions rise.

Plus!

Chubby, short, highly emotional female makes threat on HarperTheFox’s life!!!

This and more on Today’s edition of Harper The Fox News,

Butt first!

Picture me, 40lbs heavier and high off my tits. I’m running out of a 120 degree house on a 103 degree day. I am sweaty, dirty, and naked as the moment of my birth. I am holding hands with a skinny-fat man with a pony tail who will one day be my husband and father of my children. He is also naked. He is also sweating. He is really sweating.

We dash together into the public street, jump up and down and repeatedly shout

“I’M THE QUEEN OF SCOTLAND!”

The whole event is broadcast live.

You have just imagined the real-life beginning of HarperTheFox.

I shared this and more on the Jeffrey van Leeuwen Podcast which is available now.

Take a listen. I was there to promote my movie Cops Vs Whores, which I barely got to do.

I will take the opportunity now. Go watch the most fucked up funny movie released in decades that I also happen to star in!

I have a new song out!

It is another banger about banging and doing drugs at the strip club. It is a parody of “Friday I’m in Love.” Part one of it is out now. Keep reading to listen to the rest for free!

Want to hear the whole thing? It isn’t even released yet!

Well, if you are a paid subscriber you will get to listen to the whole thing as a special thank you for helping pay the bills and keeping the good times rolling!

You aren’t a paid subscriber?! I guess you are poor. That’s ok

Can I make it better with Mexico? Well, I’m gonna try!

I have approached Taco Bell with a thrilling brand deal proposal in which I sing about how their food makes me violently shit my pants. I am now waiting to see how many millions of dollars (NOT PESOS!) peace between our great nations is worth to them. Your move, Mexico.

Listen to verse 1 of “Poop With Violence”:

Alright! It is about time to wrap it up with the preview version of “Friday at the Club” for you free subscribers and the full, unreleased version for you wonderful, generous, well-endowed paid subscribers.

Butt first!

My one and a half year old daughter gave me a black eye and told me she was going to toss me out a window. She said that shit with a smile on her face!

HELP ME!

Wow! What a great edition of HarperTheFox News. I feel emotionally and physically satisfied. Thanks for reading!

Now, please enjoy: “Friday at the Club.” Paid subscribers, you guys can just skip down to the paid portion to watch the whole song.

That was the short bit. Pay up for the rest.