ERECTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES

and Mee Maw Melons

This and more on this edition of Harper The Fox News!

BUTT FIRST!

THE UPS AND DOWNS OF THE INS AND OUTS

For the past decade, I’ve relied on a charming personality and being willing to show my titties for money. But I’m 34 and the demand for titty content will drop. I mean, maybe it won’t but I don’t really want to be a dealer of grandma titty content.

So, while the money is still coming in, I’m ditching my suburban rental, hitting the road full-time with my family for a spell, and then buying a home in the middle of nowhere to homeschool my kids in peace. There, I will blow shit up and call it “chemistry.”

The rig in progress:

Meanwhile, I am laying the groundwork for new ways to get paid. Instead of swinging titties I’m singing about titties. Instead of filming hot sweaty action I am making movies featuring…well, hot sweaty action. But like the Arnold kind not the erect penis kind.

Speaking of erect penises:

A LITTLE BIT OF TIJUANA IN THE CLOSET

I just released my Amazing Grace parody, which got shown to paid subscribers here recently as a budding work in progress. Thanks for the feedback, guys!

I did make a change to my lyrics. This song is called “Jizz on Her Face” and is about a cheating woman caught with a closet full of men, and one surprise guest. Watch til the end for that one.

Telling stories like this makes me grateful that I am a faithful, monogamous ho– not a faithless trifling ho. Faithless women come up a lot in my song lyrics. Sometimes people give it to me in the comment section about my songs being hard on men but I think I give it to both genders with loving equality.

I think you’ll like this song too. This is from my new music account, Cops VS Whores, which shares a name with my movie.

This song is called “Wifey Won’t You Blow” and it is oh so soulful.

Anyway, despite my saucy internet exploits, I am kind of a private person. I hope to change that with my upcoming newsletters. I am doing some unusual and exciting things and I want to show you the ups and downs of that process. Hopefully, if I do, you will find it entertaining enough to support this adventure financially by becoming a paid subscriber. Many of you already have and I am so grateful!

With your help I will slowly go from getting paid for showing the ins and outs to getting paid for sharing the ups and downs. Either way we making money bouncing!

Be the change I want to see in the world by becoming a paid subscriber or buying my feature film—or both!

Time to wrap it up. My next email to you will include demolition, a sweaty pregnant lady, arson, and matching family outfits.

Now, for the paying folks, I’m going to treat you to something nice below the paywall. If you’re currently a free subscriber and want to upgrade, do it now! There should even be a way for you to get a 7 day free trial and cheat your way into the paid extras.

Paid subs, I’ll see you down below for a new work in progress about getting pregnant by accident.