I’m Doing Your Mom

And you love it

This and more on this week’s edition of Harper The Fox News!

BUTT FIRST!

TRAVELING TRAMP PENS PROMISCUOUS POEMS

Wandering Lust. God that just rolls off the tongue. It also happens to be the name of my book.

That’s right! I wrote a book.

It was published years ago but is still available for any of you fine literary lovers out there. The book is a collection of poems written during my time as a homeless vagabond cam-whore.

I started working as a cam model before any of you probably knew what that was. I did a lot of my shows on the road from my van/ home by doing something called “war driving.” At the time, internet access good enough to stream from was kind of hard to come by. Fortunately, a lot of the bigger chain eateries had good connections. I would wait until a popular coffee chain closed for the night and then drive around their building with an antenna until I located the closest spot to their router. Once located, I would begin my pirate broadcast.

Along my travels I constantly wrote poetry.

Wandering Lust is sort of a loose narrative of the ups, downs, and getting downs of those wild days. I’m thinking about it a lot as I get ready to head back out on the road full time next spring. More updates on that coming soon!

You can buy my book here.

BUTT FIRST!

GO DUCK YOURSELF

I wrote a lovely little parody of “5 Little Ducks” about the CIA starting the crack epidemic. Unfortunately the trials and tribulations of inner city ducks don’t seem to have viral appeal. I suspect I am being throttled by the intelligence agencies but that might just be cope. No!

I’M BEING THROTTLED BY THE INTELLIGENCE AGENCIES! I’VE BEEN INJECTED BY AMPHIBIOUS GAY NANOBOTS!

It’s the only logical explanation. Anyway, I think this one is great. Give it a listen!

AND NOW!

TELL YOUR MOM I SAID HELLO!

You guys love the idea of someone banging your mom. I wrote a parody of “All Star” by Smash Mouth that I affectionately call “Cum Jar” and it is all about me or, you know, the whole neighborhood, fucking your mom.

Max (husband) was so sure this one was not going to do well. “No one wants to share a video about someone fucking their mom,” he said. Well, he looks stupid now!

This little ditty is my most popular parody in awhile! I knew you guys liked jokes about your mom being the town bicycle. Thanks for proving me right!

Alright, it is time to say goodbye to this edition of Harper The Fox News for all you free subscribers. Thanks so much for reading!

For you lovely, sweet, intelligent paid subscribers I have a different sort of small bonus thank-you for today. A sweet treat if you will. I hope you like it! Want to know what it is? Well, you have to be a paid subscriber to see it. Lucky you, it is super easy to do!