LITTLE WEINERS

and CIA plots

In this edition of Harper The Fox News!

BUTT FIRST!

MAN SPARED TIRE TENSION LIMB SEVERING

Early next year I’m stuffing my entire family into a 20’ camper and hitting the road full time. This is a great idea which I will never regret. I am certain.

Good news about the progress of my rig!

Max (husband) has been working on fixing up an old van to tow our soon to be home. As far as I know, he is doing a swell job.

I don’t really know anything. He might kill us all.

Max purchased our van from a shady used car lot. The car lot people got it at auction. Max says it’s good but, like I said, I don’t know shit from shine on this one.

BUTT NOW!

Max’s opinion has been backed up by an Argentinian mechanic who works out of his backyard and resembles a Muppet!

PRETTY GOOD!

This is going to work out great. If Max lives!

More on that in a minute.

BUTT FIRST!

I want you to have a little window into what I am working on for new song parodies. I don’t want to spoil anything so I won’t say too much.

Cocaine, poop, children’s song about the role of the CIA in the inner city crack epidemic.

I’ve said too much!

Later in this email paid subs will get an unreleased song that I’m POSITIVE will rock. It involves Viagra.

BUTT FIRST!

MEN LIKE CALLING OTHER MEN’S WEINERS TINY

It’s true! You are statistically likely to be a man so you can test it out for yourself!

Watch my recently re-released “blowing in the wind” parody, and make sure to send it to your buddies when you’re done.

Also!

Watch my movie about a cross-dressing, body building secret agent who infiltrates a deadly secret society of underground whores!

SO ABOUT THAT SEVERED LIMB

Max brought the van in to have the shocks changed out. Max tried very hard to do this himself but the bolts were frozen and very hard to access.

Good thing because Señor Muppet Mechanic asked Max if he knew that the suspension was under pressure on the front end and would violently kick when the bolt came off.

Max did not know this. You could tell because he had his arm shoved down a narrow shaft below what would be hundreds of pounds of crushing force. Max also had his face ever so slightly under the tire as he tried his best to “win” against the bastard bolt. Another sign that he was unaware of this reality.

Sometimes I like him being a loser.

Time to wrap up with a treat for paid subscribers only!

Is that you? It could be!

This is a new parody of a Queens of the Stone Age song. They have been busy promoting their new release, Alive in the Catacombs, and have asked me to wait to post it so we can coordinate.

But, because you are a paid subscriber you will get to see it right now. The only other person on the planet who’s seen it so far is the lead singer of the band himself.

So, here is “The Way You Used to Do” / “The Way You Used to Screw”-- an homage to the power of Viagra.