STRAIGHT MEN: GAY LOVE

And long hotdogs

This and more on this edition of Harper The Fox News!

BUTT FIRST!

SECRET HOTDOG KNOWLEDGE DIFFUSES INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT

A new podcast appearance of mine is now live!

“Telling Tinder Tales” is hosted by two very charming Brits. It’s stories of true love, missed connections, and dating disasters told in short-form panel style.

As I joined the video chat, tensions were high. Serious audio problems plagued multiple participants. It was all “bugger” this and “shite” that, and this American feared the worst for the fate of this recording.

How could this disaster be saved? Did I get to promote my fantastic, outrageous and hilarious movie COPS VS WHORES Vol 1? Find out later!

BUTT FIRST!

Conservative Horses Fight Against Raising Workers’ Standard of Living

Earlier this week a mid-sized farm met to vote on a resolution to update the employee benefit package to include sex with the horses. The motion narrowly passed, despite all of the horses voting neigh.

They do it in the bridle suite.

You canter make this stuff up.

Speaking of farms!

Did you ever catch my parody of Old MacDonald? It isn’t one of my hits but I have a soft spot for it because I wrote it for someone personally. It is about an annoying one-upping whore!

AND NOW!

HOT DOG GUZZLING WHORE SAVES THE DAY

With Tinder Tales tensions high I broke out the big guns. I divulged secret American knowledge about Costco hotdogs that diverted the attention of the enraged Englishmen until the audio problems were resolved!

Did you know that Costco doesn’t make a profit on those dogs? Yes, silly Brit, they really are that big!

Thank god I had a big floppy American dog to waggle in those Brit’s faces to keep tensions from boiling over. USA! USA!

You can listen to the dazzling finished product *here*.

BUTT FIRST!

HOMO HUMOR HITS HARD

If I have learned one thing writing parody songs for you all it’s this:

You guys sure do love calling each other gay.

Your bro is having a great day? Call him gay. Bro’s going through a divorce. Gay bombs away. Any time, day or night, you can send your guy friends a “you’re gay” meme, and the love between the two of you will only deepen.

I deliver what you need!

Coming soon!

A whole wave of “you’re gay” songs. Parodies of “Blue” by Eifel 65, “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley, and “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield.

Want an early sneak peak? Well, if you are a paid subscriber you are in luck! Not a paid subscriber yet?

IT’S SO EASY!

Hit the button and you will be on your way to a subscriber exclusive way to call your best bro gay!

This is where I leave you, free subscribers. Thanks for reading! See you in a couple days.

Paid Subscribers! Here is “WHY ARE YOU GAY?!”